


Five Times Five Stages Of James And Regulus Dating

by starshipslytherin



Series: Jegulus writing [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, M/M, idiocy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-10-19 14:57:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10642224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshipslytherin/pseuds/starshipslytherin
Summary: One day, James Potter simply started dating Regulus Black - but it didn't remain that simple.From the beginning, the two had a tendency of making people go through the Five Stages of Grief simply by existing - be it Sirius Black, who can't believe it when Remus tells him his brother of heart is snogging his baby brother, Minerva McGonagall, who "can't wait" until their children start Hogwarts (she can), James and Regulus themselves due to their offsprings' Hogwarts houses and Quidditch positions, or Draco Malfoy, who happens to have an annoying crush on his second cousin (damn it).





	1. Sirius Black, ft. Remus Lupin, upon learning his brothers are dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus pass notes during an exceptionally boring History of Magic class.

**1) Denial**

_Hey Pads. You seem disgruntled. You alright? -Moony_

Liar. 

_??_

Moony would never pass notes during class. Not even history. 

_You'd be surprised at the things Moony is capable of. Now tell me what's wrong?_

Nothing. 

_Sure, that's what you look like. Did you have an argument with Prongs? You keep shooting him deadly glares. I bet he's scared_

We didn't argue yet, no. 

_Yet? What's that supposed to say?_

Hint: Regulus. 

_I thought you were okay with them hanging out?_

That was before I knew he'd replace me. I am Prongs's best friend. Brother of heart. That little git is not half as awesome as I am. Stuck up and boring. How does James not see this?

_Well, he's in love :)_

What? With who? 

_A) With whom, and B) _ _~~Are you serio~~ REALLY??!_

WHAT? 

_Oh please. Don't tell me you're that oblivious of your surroundings. _

WHAT HAPPENED JUST TELL ME SWEET MERLIN

_So you don't know? Prongs is not trying to replace you as a best friend, Sirius. He's hanging out with Regulus so much because they are seeing each other. Don't tell me you didn't notice. It's as obvious as can be._

Why on earth would James want to date that little scum? That makes no sense. Besides, I would have noticed! Don't try to shit me, Remus. 

_I'm not shitting you, Pads, and also, evidently you did not notice, not even the time they snogged right in front of your nose at Christmas when we smuggled Reg into our dorm? And then they left together? Using the cloak? And the next day 'R+J' was carven into the oak tree at the lake in James's handwriting? With a heart around it? Don't you remember mocking him because it was his ridiculous capital J that he uses for signatures and the '4eva' under it looked so neat your 'shit brother' could have added it? Because you didn't know he did. _

Woah, you wrote your first novel. Impressive. You appear to have innate talent when it comes to the genre of fiction... Besides, they only snogged because we were playing Spin The Bottle. It's adorable how gullible you are to believe they are dating now, Lupin. 

_A) Didn't you notice they ended up deliberately turning the bottle towards each other?  - B)_ _James told you several times, nervously, that he loves your younger brother, and every time he was surprised at how lightly you took it. Clearly it is not me who's the gullible one here :)_

Rubbish. I won't believe this ~~until he persona~~ EVER.

_Sirius. They kiss each other's foreheads. They hold hands. James vanishes nearly every night. They went to Hogsmeade together last time. It's about the most obvious thing ever they're dating. And James called him his boyfriend last time. Remember?_

I THOUGHT HE WAS JOKING OR SOMETHING!

_Of course he wasn't. He literally bragged about his best friend's little brother being his boyfriend!_

* * *

**2) Anger**

THIS LITTLE SHIT BRAGGED ABOUT SHAGGING MY BABY BROTHER?! RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY NOSE? 

_He thought you were cool with it._

HOW can he betray me like this, I am SHOOK

_You're being a bit dramatic?_

How can I not be dramatic! This is dramatic, Moony! Alas, I feel so betrayed! Do you even know what this is like? 

_I don't believe either of them was trying to make you feel bad._

I WILL MAKE THEM FEEL BAD

_Sirius, you're overreacting. Please calm down a little and stop doodling violent scenarios into your History book, you're going to regret this._

YOU DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! 

_Sirius._

Also I have no regrets. I don't use that stupid book anyway. 

_I know that. You're impossible._

I'm flattered♡

_See. So are you back to normal again?_

I'LL SHOVE "BACK TO NORMAL" UP YOUR STINKING ARSE, REMUS LUPIN. 

_It would help if you stayed matter-of-factly, Pads. You know you can't change things, c'est la vie. Just don't scare your friend away yourself, okay? Talk to him later, he'll understand (although he might laugh at you for not having understood what's been going on)._

Shut up. I can't believe you're mocking me. 

_I'm not mocking you. I'm just amused._

I'm also not talking to that dickface.

* * *

**3) Bargaining**

_Sirius! He's your best friend. You're saying you don't want to lose him, but frankly, if you keep being that angry at him for being in love, you'll be the one to mess things up. So talk to him. _

I'm not messing up anything. It's not my fault he fucked my baby brother! 

_Oh come on! Your brother is fifteen and has a mind of his own, and so does James. Neither of them needs your approval, but James asked for it anyway, multiple times. It's no one's fault but yours you've been too daft to get it. Now stop whining, pull yourself together and behave like an adult. It can't be that hard to have a conversation with the guy you insist is your best friend in the world who you can tell everything?_

I'm telling you everything right now, though. Because honestly, who in their right mind would voluntarily even touch my little brother? I can't understand what happened, Moony. I wish I knew what changed. 

_Nothing changed, nothing at all. You wouldn't even have noticed if I hadn't told you! James is still your best friend and I highly doubt he thinks differently. Everything is still the same except he's dating someone now. Tell me honestly, would you be making such a fuss about this if it wasn't about Regulus?_

It is about Regulus, though. 

_Then talk to him, too! I know it's been hard for you lately, but you obviously still love him, and he loves you. He admires you, Padfoot, he's been through the same, and he's so awkward and quiet when you're around James and him as well. I want you to tell him everything's alright and to give him a good hug. That would do both of you some good, honestly._

Oh, I see, why don't you just write me a detailed bucket list while we're at it? 

_Sure. Here you are: 1) Get your shit together, 2) Talk to Prongs and tell him his friendship means a lot to you and you sincerely hope that's not going to change, 3) Tell your brother you're glad he found happiness with someone so great, 4) Hug your brother tightly, 5) Apologise to Remus for being a git to him._

I see a problem with number 3.

_What's wrong?_

I won't lie to Reg. This happiness is pissing me off spectacularly. 

_Alright, so it's pissing you off he's with James?_

Caught on, haven't you?

_Fine. You explained to us a thousand times how worried you are about your brother slipping off and becoming a Death Eater, correct? Now imagine what would happen if he was dating someone other than James, who is absolutely against them, obviously. Whereas you can trust James to do anything to talk him out of it if he wanted to get Marked, you would not have that certainty with most of the other students. Even if that hypothetical non James partner was only neutral, there'd still be that huge risk of Regulus turning bad._

So? 

_Instead of whining like a little child, you should be really fucking glad. As long as your brother's happiness is James, there's a 0% chance of losing him. You can stop worrying and finally try to properly accept him into your life again. I wish I had a sibling, you know, and if I did, I'd do anything to get along with them._

We are ~~~~getting along.

_See, that's exactly your problem. You're possessive of and condescending towards him at the same time, and you think that's alright and you wonder why you don't get along like you used to. Stop believing you can control him. You can't._

So you believe I'm the one who does everything wrong? 

_I'm just saying you should try and think of him differently, as an individual with his own life. People in general. The world does not revolve around you. People have personalities and lives of their own, even if they happen to be your siblings or your friends or whatever. You need to understand this._

* * *

**4) Depression**

So it's me who's messing everything up.

_It's not you. The problem isn't you, it's your way of thinking, which has a tendency to be very self centred. All you need to do is to change this._

How

_Alright. Firstly, be aware of the problem. I just told you exactly what your problem is, so check. What you really need to do is work on your self esteem. You need to know that just because someone likes someone else, too, doesn't make them like you any less. James loves Regulus, that doesn't mean he'll stop being your best friend. He'll always be. _

I'm so ruined, Moony. I'm so irreparably fucked up. 

_That is not true. You just need to work on your self esteem, that's all, and it's not that hard if you believe you can do it. You're so popular, everyone loves you, your friends would die for you, you're worth so much. You just need to start seeing your worth. You're a great person with a heart of gold who had to go through some shit. And you made it through that shit. Do you even realise how insane that is? You just managed to escape the most horrible and controlling old hag I ever heard of, that's so insane, and you don't think you're strong enough to love yourself? That's nonsense. _

Thanks, Remus. I know I'm lucky.

_You're not lucky, you did this yourself._

I wouldn't have been able to do it without you guys. Absolutely not. 

_Well, that's what friends are for._

But I wouldn't have been able to do it alone.

_Oh Sirius. Tell me ten things you love about yourself or you accomplished by yourself._

For real

_Just do it. You don't have to show me if you don't want to. I'm just trying to prove my point here._

But I will show you. Because I've got nothing. 

_Just start. Please._

Alright. I'm very attractive. I'm the sexiest person I know. 

_See, that was one thing. Now go on._

Moony. This is pointless. 

_It's not. I hate to see you sad. Would you do it for me?_

Sure. 

_Why?_

Because you're the best. I fucking love you. 

_Yet you don't love yourself enough to do it for you? You are the greatest good you'll ever have. Take care of yourself._

Moony, you're being awesome. I couldn't ask for better friends. 

_Then finally be your own good friend. I know I'm probably being so cheesy, but just listen. Now continue. For you, not me._

* * *

**5) Acceptance**

Fine. I'm a good wizard. I'm a good flyer. I can draw. I have a great taste in music. I managed to befriend you guys. I miraculously managed not to become the utter arsehole my family wanted me to be. I might have contributed to the fact that my brother has not yet become that kind of arsehole either. Alright, you've got me. That's probably the best thing I've ever done. The little chicken would probably be the most spoiled prat without me. 

_See, so you can influence people positively. That's good._

But not like you. 

_Not like me? Alright, Sirius, I'm telling you you're even better at this than anyone else will ever be. I was so miserable when I came to Hogwarts. And you guys just befriended me and liked me. And I thought you'd hate me as soon as you knew I am what I am, so I thought it would be best not to tell you. But keeping this secret from you made me feel bad, so I prepared to tell you, and I prepared to be an outcast, I prepared for your disgusted faces, I thought you wouldn't talk to me again. And when I finally told you, I was about to cry, and Pete and James just stared at me and said nothing. But you, you just jumped on top of me yelling "Werewolf pile!" and started tickling me and told me, "Fucking get your shit together, you expect me to be scared of the guy who screams when he sees a bee? What kind of wuss do you think I am?" And the other two laughed and joined in. I'm telling you, what you did was better than any sappy "I don't care, you're still my friend" could have been. You're so accepting and full of love and happiness. You don't even need to try, you just make people's lives better by being there. And seeing you have no idea breaks me._

Wow, fuck. I didn't know this idiocy meant that much to you. 

_Your idiocy makes people laugh and just feel alright. I guess you should add it to your list._

Wow, now I'm proud of being an idiot. See the things that you do, Moony. 

_Are you going to talk to James and Regulus now?_

I'm going to gift them with my idiocy.

_As in?_

I don't know yet. Improvise? 

_Sirius._

I could make a cuddle pile out of them. Hug both at once. You want me to hug Reg anyway, don't you? 

_Do you?_

Yeah. I'll tell him I love him and I'm glad it's James he's shagging. 

_And are you going to talk to James, too?_

I no longer need to. 

_Are you sure?_

Yeah. You told me everything I needed to hear/read. I'm good now.

_That's good to hear._

Moony? 

_Yes?_

Thanks for being cheesy to me. 

_Don't mention it._

I'll mention it tomorrow. Casually bring it up. 

_Idiot. Now pay attention so we at least don't miss what's for homework._

Would be a shame if we couldn't do our History homework. 

_Indeed._

Nerd

_Shut up._

You know I won't. No need to even try. 


	2. Minerva McGonagall, upon learning about their children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minerva McGonagall's diary is usually not a frequently used item, unless when there's disastrous news.

**1) Denial**

29th November, 1978

_Dear Journal,_

_Today is the day a nightmare became reality._  
_My world was shattered into pieces. My future is uncertain. I can already feel the veins on my temple pulsing again and my lips being pressed tightly together just thinking about what might happen._  
_Yet, it started out so well._  
_Let me say I am generally rather concerned about all of my students, and, despite their 'pranks' and 'jokes' that might have cost me twenty years of my life already, even about Potter, Black, and their lot. However, Potter and Black have always been particularly difficult to handle, something that tended to exhaust me both mentally and physically. The day they graduated felt as if I was reborn onto a soft and ridiculously comforting and safe cloud of relief and happiness._  
_Black had been getting more quiet during the war. Most people had guessed it was due to him growing up more, but anyone who truly knew him would have disagreed; Sirius Black will most likely never grow up._  
_My personal presumption was proven to be correct when he got his brother back in March. While, of course, I am grateful that the latter joined the right side, gave us crucial information to defeat the enemy, and is staying safe, the fact that Sirius rediscovered his usual annoying nature was a drawback in this respect._  
_And it got worse._  
_Regulus Black, during his time at Hogwarts, proved to be a quiet, well-behaved person and a diligent and extraordinarily talented student and hence the contrary to his brother. I would not have expected him to change that drastically._  
_I learned that he had started to go out with Potter (again, apparently) and noticed that he must have been thriving without his parents but with his brother and his friends as a new family, so much, obviously, that he became a slightly less irritating but more sharp-tongued and neatly dressed copy of Sirius. At that point I was convinced the horror must have reached its peak._  
_How terribly wrong I was; the horror had only just started._  
_This morning, I entered the headquarters of the Order, innocent and foolish, idling about, lightheartedly talking to the McKinnons, when suddenly a cry erupted in the distance. Not any cry. A baby's cry._  
_I chose to ignore it, as Lydia did, and continued our (little exciting) conversation on purebred Bavarian Bowtruckles. When Sirius Black and James Potter caused another rather noisy commotion upstairs, with Lupin loudly trying to shut them up and the younger Black ferociously telling his brother to do a number of things that I need not repeat here, I did not feel the urge to react either._  
_I should have._  
_Sirius Black burst into the drawing room we were sitting in later, a beaming grin on his allegedly "most handsome face in the world" (Regulus disagrees) and a small, whimpering bundle in his arms. I would be whimpering, too, if Sirius Black were to hold me._  
_He loudly and very dramatically proclaimed that he was thereby announcing the birth of the first Heiress To The Glory. Initially I found his statement to be rather confounding, until I noticed that he was in fact holding an infant, whose name is Linda. I had no idea where Linda came from. I should have cared more and fled while I still could._

* * *

**2) Anger**

_During dinner, the mystery was resolved. Potter and the younger Black, both looking weirdly exhausted, received lots of congratulations and everyone's best wishes. They told somebody they wanted to have as many children as possible while they still could. Why two teenagers would feel the urge to double the world population before the age of twenty is beyond my understanding._  
_Linda is their baby._  
_Linda is a Potter and a Black._  
_Regulus Black and James Potter are her parents._  
_Sirius Black is her godfather._  
_Lupin (her 'Uncle Moony', as Black called him) will be able to influence her with his secretly brilliant and equally dangerous mastermind._  
_She is going to attend Hogwarts one day._  
_And the worst thing is, she will not be alone._  
_It is unbearably unbelievable, but she has a twin brother._  
_Potter bragged about how creatively they named the boy "after their middle names". I already feel terribly sorry for the child. Nobody deserves to be called Fleamont Arcturus. My only comfort is the fact that it must be in his and his sister's genes to avenge this embarrassment. I am sincerely hoping these children are going to show their parents what being forced to deal with people like them means._

_To a better future and to no more Potter-Black children._

  
14th September, 1979

_Dear Journal,_

_Last night, it happened again._  
_Only once, this time._  
_Still, it is bad enough._  
_Lydia McKinnon and I had been talking about her daughter Marlene (the least insufferable person in Black's circle of friends) and how poorly she used to treat her sister when she was a child, and how siblings just behaved in that way (watching Linda Potter-Black, who was being supervised by Lily Evans and Alice Longbottom, clumsily pull at her brother's dark hair, sadistic joy in her innocent little eyes) when another noisy event took place upstairs. It was almost midnight on a 13th day of the month; not a very good omen, and my superstition was, sadly, not misleading._  
_I met the baby this afternoon. Her name is Rigel, and she appears to be rather tall for a baby. Her hair was blue at first and later turned white, she inherited the Metamorphmagus gene that runs in the Black family, which made me realise once again - Potter's talent of going on people's nerves was thrice combined with the talent and wit of one of the best wizards I have met. I am dreading the day this person starts Hogwarts._

* * *

**3) Bargaining**

  
2nd January, 1980

_Dear Diary,_

_Another dreadful event took place. Something I could not foresee. Lupin and Sirius Black reproduced. It is unbelievable that nobody ~~informed~~ warned me about their relationship. _  
_They each had one child because they wanted to have twins._  
_They deliberately produced a hearth of trouble. Deliberately._  
_I have taken into consideration the possibility of quitting my job the very day Linda and Fleamont are to start school. However, that would mean giving up, which is not something I plan on doing. As the Gryffindor Head of House, I cannot allow myself to be cowardly (sadly)._  
_The children have been named after some sort of muggle entertainment, as Lupin explained to Frank Longbottom. Their names are Luke and Leia. I do not feel the need to try and comprehend the thinking behind this. I have volunteered to join Lydia McKinnon and Andromeda Tonks on a mission that is said to be too dangerous for a person of my age. We are going to try and find Helga Hufflepuff's goblet._

_I need to spend some time apart from all these annoying children and their even more annoying parents, and even if something were to happen to me, I would not be able to bring myself to care that much any more. It would put an end to my misery._

_By the way, Potter and the younger Black are engaged now and have allegedly stopped planning to have children._  
_Rigel is quite an insufferable infant. It is not that she is screaming all the time, but when she is, it is unbearably loud. I had no idea babies could be so loud and shrill._  
_Alice Longbottom is expecting her first child, too. I already feel sorry for him or her._  
_I think she will be happy, though, to learn about Lydia McKinnon going on a mission; Lydia has been giving her unwanted advise for almost three weeks at every given opportunity. Marlene McKinnon has been imitating that behaviour around Potter and the younger Black. I am hereby revoking my earlier statement about her being the least insufferable member in their circle of friends._

* * *

 

**4) Depression**

1st June, 1980

_Dear Diary,_

_I am feeling so very betrayed._  
_I had been looking forward to Potter's marriage to the younger Black._  
_I had been invited. Sirius Black had been their Best Man. It would have been the perfect opportunity to celebrate the destruction of our final Horcrux._  
_It was perfect until they announced the birth of their second son, which is due in two months. Potter told me they would have named the child Minerva if it was a girl. I am very grateful it turned out male, although the younger Black made sure to emphasise that this might change throughout the child's life, which gave Potter the opportunity to hint it might not be too late yet for the child to be named Minerva one day, "or at least Minnie". I sighed heavily._  
_Alice's and Frank's baby, Neville, is about one week old and seems to be very likeable. Thankfully._  
_Rigel has learnt how to crawl behind Linda and Fleamont. Fleamont is obviously very misbehaved, as well as Rigel, who has taken a liking to producing very high-pitched screams, and even though Linda seems to be rather quiet, life has taught me not to be too gullible._  
_The Lupin-Black children have not been conspicuous yet, which renders me skeptical._  
_Lydia has been trying to force Marlene to hold one of the babies all day, which seemed to irritate Marlene quite a lot. She repeatedly emphasised the fact that she is only twenty years old. I attempted to emphasise the fact that I would have to teach enough exhausting children later._

* * *

 

**5) Acceptance**

  
31st July, 1980

_His name is Harry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed I hate this chapter it sounds like cc it's so unrealistic but whatever


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